Everyone remembers the eruption of Eyjafjallajökull in island. Now we know who is to blame. For years, Kia exploited its mystic lava rock which is thousands of years old – to produce black paint for car.

The jet-black paint finish of the new Picanto is not just attractive, it gives the onlooker the sense of peering into deep, century-old secrets. Why is this? Because that is exactly what it does.

This is because the secret of the black finish lies in Eyjafjallajökull. The volcano in Iceland whose eruption will be remembered by the whole world for a long time to come. Huge, threatening ash clouds drifting over the whole of Europe. Desperate holidaymakers unable to return home. Whole industries crippled by the breakdown of air traffic. And why? It was all because of a paint finish for a car.

The valuable black lava of Eyjafjallajökull is regarded as the essence of the blackest black ever created by human hand. There is nothing else like it in the whole world and it is impossible to copy. For this reason Kia Motors spent years extracting the mineral from the volcano.

Björgvin Pall Gudmundursson, Icelandic Minister of Defence, Agriculture, Internal Affairs and Foreign Affairs, remembers it well: “They came almost every week with their helicopters, like a swarm of vultures.  Then they abseiled down with their buckets,  making a huge row with their banging. There was nothing we could do. But the volcano took its revenge.”

The sleeping giant last roared in 1823. Is it a coincidence that it’s starting to growl again now, just after production of the new Picanto has started?

Unlikely.

Kia found out that the small titanium particles in space have a very strong, bright appearance in our atmosphere. Now they are sending out huge satellites into space to collect these particles – and create an extraterrestrial colour out of it.

The analysis of the first Mars probes not only caused a stir in the world of science. Big corporations were also interested in extra-terrestrial souvenirs such as Martian dust, the new hydrogen isotopes and titanium particles. The latter especially appealed to engineers on earth: titanium is not only regarded as extremely resilient, it also has an unprecedented power of illumination, being capable of absorbing and storing sunlight.

For this reason, Kia Motors hired an international team of 12 scientists to examine the atmosphere for titanium particles. They discovered that there are significant quantities  within the earth’s orbit. The particle sampler KIAHOOVER1, a gigantic satellite with a 24-metre suction hose attached to it, was launched on October 11th 2004 by the European Space Agency (ESA), returning to Earth four weeks later. The result was satisfying: 1.2 kilograms of titanium – enough to cover 2,200 Picantos with a glossy silver coating of surreal beauty.

However, it will probably not be enough to meet anticipated demand. This is because reactions among focus groups have been overwhelming: “I’ve never seen anything as beautiful”, “Irresistible attraction”, “I can’t go on living without this car”.

There are now three particle samplers in orbit. Five more are planned.

Do designers have to respect design traditions? Not at Kia Motors. PicantoLeaks has evidence which shows the unbelievable truth about their new model’s sharp-edged design: it was made by a sabre.

Even the man on the street knows that designing a new car is a complex process which goes through numerous phases. But very few are aware of just how important work with the clay model is. Here, the draft design takes on a physical form for the first time (on a 1:4 scale). This is a key moment when it’s all about the contours, lines and character of the car – requiring filigree detail and a fine instinct.

At least, that’s what we thought – until we found out about the methods used by Kia Motors.

The pictures leaked to us anonymously show a man in fencing dress. We now know that this man is the Frenchman Frédéric Ribouquet – four-times Olympic winner in sabre fencing. In front of him there is a block of clay and in his hands he is holding the weapon with which he became a legend at the Olympic Games in Sydney in 2000 and in Athens in 2004. The other pictures show Ribouqet dealing resolute blows with his sword to cut contours in the clay. What exactly is he doing? He is answering the question posed by many experts as to why the new Picanto has such a clear-cut, linear and resolute appearance.

Does this have anything to do with design as we know it? David Blum, Assistant Chief of Modelling at Kia Motors, provided an insider’s perspective: “We just wanted to avoid having the Picanto look as if an elephant had sat on it. You’re surely aware that almost every automobile manufacturer uses elephants to design small cars? It’s been done for decades – by almost everyone.”

At this point we realised that the distinguished modelling specialist was being totally serious. He went on: “We wanted to do without elephants, tread a new path. First we tried shooting at the model with large-calibre revolvers. And our attempts using flame-throwers were initially quite promising, too. But we wanted an angular, sharply contoured model which would do away with the cliché of the cute little car. So we hired Monsieur Ribouquet to cut the contours . And we’re very happy with the result – there’s never been a small car with such sharply defined contours.”

Have you been wondering about that delicious colour? Hardly surprising: the Picanto’s brown finish is made of pure chocolate.

There is simply no end to the amazing facts behind the production of the new Kia Picanto. It is now known that the brown and beige paint finishes are based on highly unusual formulas: they are largely made up of whole milk chocolate and cocoa (brown) or marzipan, egg nog and noisette (beige).

The formula came into being by pure chance – by way of a chocolate Santa Claus left in the car boot of designer Josef Hólub. When the sun came out in the spring, the chocolate melted and spread out to form a seductive, glossy brown surface. Hólub, who has spent over a decade working on developing new colours for Kia Motors, was delighted.

Working with his team he developed a colour extraction process which has since been adopted by the furniture and jewellery industry: the “Hólub Centrifuge”, which works rather like a honey extractor. The chocolate Santa Clauses are placed in a rotating drum at full speed (between 80,000 and approx. 120,000 rpm).

The device developed by Hólub, which is fitted with a frequency-controlled drive unit, can accelerate its content to a sensational 200,000 rpm.

This process not only separates the unique, delectable colour extract from every type of chocolate but also puts millions of abandoned Santa Clauses, Easter Bunnies and Gingerbread Men to good use.

Kia Motors evidently doesn’t care about the feelings of rich people. Researchers discovered a lot of features in its new small model which were previously reserved exclusively for rich people – until now. The reaction of many wealthy people was one of devastation.

Do small cars now have to be fitted with luxury features too? Apparently so – at least if Kia Motors has any say in the matter. The new Picanto – the company’s latest small car – now comes on the scene with a veritable armada of features seen for the first time in this segment.

Start button, heatable steering wheel, knee airbag, electronic stability program (ESP) with VSM stability software and hill-start assistant (HAC),  SUPERVISION CLUSTER instrument panel, safety sunroof, dimmable sunshade, illuminated drinks holder, Bluetooth, electrical safety windows, lighting display and a whole series of other hi-tech features – all within the scope of the average wage-earner!

The manufacturer simply doesn’t seem to care about the opinion of those whose well-earned privileges are being removed. Nor has much importance been attached to the fact that rich people have to work hard to be able to afford these kinds of luxuries.

When we asked them, those responsible at Kia Motors seemed completely unfazed. In fact the company spokesperson was almost proud of it: “Why should only wealthy people have the pleasure of experiencing pleasure and safety?”

Naturally, there were reactions of dismay from the higher echelons of society. Many do not yet feel able to give interviews. Nonetheless, PicantoLeaks has picked up some views which reflect just what an impact this report has had. Lady Elisabeth Darlington III, who is descended from a long and impeccable line of landed gentry, scarcely dares enter her own garage. The dear old lady sighs bitterly: “I can hardly look my Bentley in the eye any more. The things I loved it for most are now available in a small car! First democracy – and now this! What on earth will come next?  Public golf courses and swimming pools? These are tough times we’re living in.”

Kia Motors’ chemists created a natural substance which turns green trees into blue trees – to produce the most unique shade of blue mankind has ever seen.

The discovery of the new plant species actually came about as a result of a mistake.

The lab director had just begun a new series of experiments when a tiny drop of the substance (a highly concentrated mixture of plum, blueberry, forget-me-not and hydrangea) spilled over the edge of the petri dish. The drop landed on a bonsai tree on the window sill. The next day, bonsai had turned blue. Not only that: it was glowing blue in a way which the experienced chemist had never seen in his life before.

Josef Hólub, responsible for the development of new colours at Kia Motors, immediately examined the plant. It was entirely healthy. The only difference was that it had entirely absorbed the pigments of the strange substance.

Hólub started extensive series of experiments which eventually resulted in three spectacular insights.

Firstly: just a few drops of the derivative are sufficient to produce vast plantations of blue trees. Secondly: when you boil the leaves of these trees, you produce millions of times the quantity of the colour essence. And finally: it forms the basis of the paint finish of the new Picanto – the car has absorbed every nuance of this blue which evokes such awestruck marvel in the onlooker.

The plantation which Hólub had laid out for production of the new Picanto even earned him an entry in the Encyclopaedia of Botany: there the tree goes by the name of “Arbor Caerulea Holubiensis”.

We have to admit: the Golden Ratio has inspired artists of all disciplines like no other number in history. Now it has been revealed that the designers at Kia Motors used that mysterious number, too. But what‘s the story behind it all: are they part of a secret society?

Elegant lines, balanced surfaces, breathtaking proportions: the new Picanto makes aesthetes go into raptures. Some admirers of its proportions even refer to a “feeling of pleasant familiarity. A strange, mysterious feeling which is hard to explain”. A strange, mysterious feeling? PicantoLeaks wanted to get to the bottom of all this.

So we assigned the renowned design critic Gisbert Oluffsen, professor of arts at the University of British Columbia (UBC), to undertake a detailed examination of the new Picanto. He did not take long to reveal its secret: “The first measurements showed my suppositions to be true. It’s very simple: the car is based on the Golden Ratio – down to the last detail. I cannot think why. I only know that the result is just beautiful. This is something that doesn’t just happen.“

Whether front, side or rear – even the arrangement of the fog lights complies with the law of the Golden Ratio. Why? Good question. Kia officials act as if they were completely unaware. Their only statement to date: “What the heck are you talking about? Sorry, but you seem to be totally nuts”.  We say: time will tell who is crazy.

However, evidence found on Kia’s business premises speaks for itself  – and is ubiquitous. Mysterious scribblings on the canteen tables, whispers in the bathrooms, employees with cryptic tattoos. Over and over again there are symbols reminiscent of the  legendary Golden Ratio -  something which has a key link with various secret societies.

Is Kia in cahoots with one of these organisations? What are they planning? The evidence cannot be ignored, even though there is no final proof.

Not yet, at least.

PicantoLeaks has received material which shows how the unique paint finishes of the Picanto were produced. Unbelievable but true: the Picanto’s red finish was scraped off ladybugs.

Even when you first set eyes on it, you notice that the colours of the new Picanto have a suspiciously seductive effect.  How is it possible to produce such a warm, hypnotic red? You would normally only find this type of colour in nature itself.

At the same time we received some unusual reports from northern Germany. More and more people were saying they had spotted “black ladybugs”. As time went on, people from Germany, Austria and France published photos showing photographs of jet-black ladybugs. So they really did exist, and they seemed to be multiplying at breakneck speed.

What kind of rare disease could this be? Could the “black ladybug mumps” – as the phenomenon was referred to by the tabloid press – put human beings at risk too? We researched the matter and fitted out 72 of the few healthy ladybugs left with transmitters. When released, they all seemed to head for the same place: a deserted production facility near the German-Dutch border.

What we found there is difficult to describe in words. Millions of ladybugs being kept in small cages, waiting to be strapped to tiny chairs – only to have their beautiful red colour removed by Kia Motors staff using spatulas. The extract of it was then used to produce the hypnotic red finish of the new Picanto.

The “Red Lab” has since been closed down. But the common red ladybug with its red colour and its adorable black spots which we knew as children is now apparently a thing of the past.

Just design? By no means. The secret of the new Picanto‘s face is out now. Personality scientists analysed more than 800 people‘s faces to define the “perfect personality” – and recreate it for a car.

Now that the first pictures of the new Picanto have been published, reactions are suspiciously euphoric. Especially the front of the car arouses enthusiasm. Some people even say, it seems “alive” – as if it had the “personality of a human being”. So much so that others are feeling rather perplexed. At any rate, it is clear that there is something special about that car’s face. PicantoLeaks has done some research to investigate further. The result is mind-boggling.

In response to our inquiry, Kia Motors reacted with professional courtesy. They told us that “Kia’s design department always has the firm intention to create a personality for each of the cars” (Peter Schreyer, chief design officer). What exactly he meant by this became clear when we received a list of 850 names. The anonymous sender called himself “B.” PicantoLeaks found out that “B.” is 37-year-old Steven Broflowsky – a former Kia designer whose proposals for the new Picanto were rejected by the Kia design department.

“My proposals were too cute and ordinary, they said”, Broflowsky explained resignedly. “They wanted to create personality. Real personality, they said. So they analysed human faces: models, athletes, politicians, economic leaders. Every day they measured dozens of volunteers biometrically. And I have evidence which can now be seen by the whole world .”

What evidence? The Swiss Institute of Criminology (SIC) confirmed the authenticity of each of the documents submitted on December 18th, 2010. Which proves one fact unequivocally: Kia Motors indeed used human faces to create the “perfect personality” – as the front section of a car.

Now we know why some were overwhelmed by that face.